by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
