i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
