Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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