I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
