i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
