Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
whose parrot is this?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
