So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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