im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this boner is exhausting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
