Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
