Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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