my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
