I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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