It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize