just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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