and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
