you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
