i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
