My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
