took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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