dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
