Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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