Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
