She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
