Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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