Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
