And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
