would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
