I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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