i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
