be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
