Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found the puke drawer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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