I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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