I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
