im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
