Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
