Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
