i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
