wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They have beer where we have blood.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
