Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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