And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
