I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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