yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
