fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize