just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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