So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
