Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
