I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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