he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
