I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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