Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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