ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
