only if we run a train.
done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
