onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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