also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
