so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
