did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I could fuck to npr.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
