you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Congratulations! We have a period
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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