Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
