I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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