too bad you live with your parents still
nutella sex= disaster
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
