my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
