Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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