When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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