I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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