i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
