sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
