Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
